dressember.

did you ever want to be a part of something bigger than you? like, something that could make a difference?
i know that i have. and i also know that it can be hard & scary. maybe you can't find a cause that you like or an organization that you want to join. so because of  that, you sit silently wanting to participate but never actually doing anything.

but ladies,

now's the time to do something.

human trafficking is a really prevalent problem today. many people look at it like 'women's lib.' but it's so much more that that. girls, women, and even men are being sold into slavery - sexual slavery. all over the world, people are being bought at a fixed price, for their bodies. it includes but isn't limited to prostitution or sexual exploitation but also includes forced labor and the like.

i'm choosing to participate in a movement called Dressember.

i'm going to be wearing a dress for 31 days in December.

i'm choosing to be a voice for the voiceless.

"Dressember is a collaborative movement leveraging fashion and creativity to restore dignity to all women. 

Dressember uses fashion to advocate for women who've been exploited for their femininity. As women take on the creative challenge of wearing a dress for the 31 days of December, they are advocating for the inherent dignity of all women. 

Dressember exists to inspire and empower a global community of like-minded women who are locking arms to face one of the greatest injustices of our time.

The heart of Dressember is freedom-- that every woman has the right to live a vibrant and autonomous life."

i'm choosing to say yes to equality, freedom, and human rights.

will you join me?

you can do your part by donating or joining

visit:

support.dressemberfoundation.org/iwillboastinjesuschrist

Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company. - George Washington

thankful.

'tis the season for thankfulness,

so for starters, i'd like to list a couple of things that i'm thankful for...

• my family
• my friends
• a christian school
• a job i actually love
• people that invest in me and genuinely care about me
• good health

     but the one thing i am most thankful for is a savior and heavenly father, who loves me so much that he sent his only son to die on the cross for my sins and saved me from eternal damnation. how much love and grace he has shown me over the years is proof of his faithfulness and goodness. time and time again, i have failed. i have sinned. i have fallen. but over and over again, he is always there to pick me up and plant me on my feet one more time. i seriously am in awe that he could ever want me. after all that i have said and done, he still has love in his heart and grace in his eyes. 

      when i was younger, i suffered from a bad bout of depression. it started in 8th grade or so. because of that, i did things that your average 8th grader shouldn't even dream of doing. i wanted to die and i couldn't figure out how. and so time went on, and i was still there. 9th grade was a little better but i still couldn't figure out how to deal with my problems. in 10th grade i started cutting and at one point, i had an eating disorder. i also started dating a boy. he was the world, well, my world anyway. i loved him so much, and i was so sure he loved me too. maybe he did, in some weird shallow way, but because of him i stopped cutting. he made me feel so beautiful. and in turn, he pulled me further and further away from jesus. i was so wrapped up in him, i couldn't see anyone else. i don't think he ever intended to and we thought we were great christian kids in a great christian relationship. toward the end, things got really messy. by that time it was summer, and i left to go be a camp counselor. i haven't seen him since. 

     i was a lonely, miserable kid. he went to college and i was a mess. surprisingly, my 3 best friends stuck with me that whole time. and something is to be said for their faithfulness to pray for me and love me despite my stupidity. throughout 11th grade, i struggled to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and life that i was wrecking. through all of this, i was constantly seeking looking for jesus - or so i thought. there were several times when i completely decided i didn't want to be a christian anymore. i screamed and cried and fought it. i had meetings with pastor joe and he tried to lead me to the light. many times, i thought i found jesus. i think i had some real experiences with him, times that he showed himself to me in hopes that i would take a hold of him. they never lasted long or had a deep impact. i lived a really fake life for a really long time.

     this summer is when i really hit rock bottom. i turned and ran. i ran to the world and i ran away from jesus. i started drinking and going out with my friends until all hours of the night. a boy from my 9th grade year, reentered my life and that created a sticky situation. my life had become a series of one bad decision after another. one week, all of my close friends and mentors were in coatesville and i was at home. none of them knew what was going on. little did i know, never had there been more people praying for my salvation than that week. there were 2 people left at home that i trusted, and so i confided in them. they urged me to give up and give in to jesus and his love and grace. but i thought that i was too far gone, just as i had thought so many other times. after several weeks of much seeking and crying and praying, i decided to fully, once and for all, give my life to the lord. i didn't want to; the world had nothing to offer me. christ offered me the world. he offered me life and love and joy. 

     what joy is found in communion with him! who would have thought that anyone could love me so unconditionally and purely? and for what? he gets nothing. i get everything. each day since august, i have been growing and striving to please my heavenly father. i can't fully explain the change in me since that day i decided to follow him. i hope that i'm not the only one who sees the change in me. daily he is revealing himself to me. i gave him my life, and he gives me mine.

     i think it's important to note that it hasn't been easy since i gave my life to the lord. it actually has been rather hard. i lost a lot of friends, making decisions is 'harder' (for lack of a better word?) because i have to make them based on what he wants for my life - not what i want. but it has also been so rewarding. i have become friends with way more people - people i never would have talked to otherwise, he has blessed me with a full schedule (sounds weird but really is good), and even though making decisions is stressful, i can rest in the fact that HE holds my future and has a good & perfect plan for my life! we often think that becoming a christian means that we lose more than we gain but it is quite the opposite. 

     if you think that you are too far gone, or not worthy of his love

stop.

yes you are.

we are more than conquerors.

he is our refuge & strength.

he forgives and forgets.

grace

on grace

on grace.

it's what he does best.

so lastly i am thankful for a changed life, for love, and for grace. so much grace.

"but the Lord forgets our sins, and treats us like we had never erred." 

- Charles H. Spurgeon

though the wind and the waves come to blow us away, there's a rock that will not be moved.

you might be a writer.

cool story time.

SUPER thankful for the body of Christ when things like this happened...here's my story:

on saturday, at around 4:30, i start getting this pain in my side. it feels like a cramp you get when you're running, yanno? so anyway, my first thought is that i'm hungry and so i get some water and keep on working. but as the night went on, the pain started getting sharper and sharper and i was on resets, so it was a lot of up and down, bending over and whatnot. 

{on a side note, we got to leave work semi-early because there was a fire in one of the resident halls, whoops. ps. i work at ann's choice as a waitress.}

so i drove home in a ball because it was the only position that wasn't ridiculously painful. i called my momma and told her what she was going on. she was really sympathetic because she had her appendix out last winter and felt my pain. we went to the emergency room at around 9 - i had a blanket, my bible, and my ipad when i went in. i remember saying to my mom, "i hope i can witness to someone because that would be really cool." they admitted me, asked a lot of questions, and i had to pee really bad. (don't worry, the cool part is coming soon.)

after they brought me to my room, a nurse came in to do an exam. she poked, and prodded and asked more questions. her name is laura. she is super nice. like ridiculously nice. as she leaned over me, i took note of her necklace. it was a cross made out of nails, wrapped in green wire, and hung with a leather strap. i thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to witness to her.

me: i love your necklace!

laura: thank you, i got it at creation last year

i was TOO TURNT

me: DO YOU LOVE JESUS

laura: hahaha, yeah i love jesus.

me: no way no way no way, i love jesus too!

so laura kept giving me needles, ivs, and blood work but the whole time we talked about creation and chris tomlin and rick warren. literally coolest moment of my whole life. it's so awesome to meet believers out in the world doing normal things, and living their lives as jesus would. if i wasn't a christian i would have totally wondered how laura got to be so nice and how at midnight why is she so happy to be taking care of me? 

christian's lives should speak volumes through their actions

not their words.

and laura's did. 

it didn't matter that she was tired, or it was late - she was ready and willing to serve.

i seriously am blown away and completely convicted by her testimony! keep laura in prayer - that she will continue to bless others wherever she goes.

also, keep me in prayer - they found an ovarian cyst. it's not really a big deal and i'm okay. but mostly pray that i can have the same testimony to others that laura had on me.

i want to be his hands and feet.

seeking.

haven't blogged in a minuteeeee, whooooops.
anyways.
recently i have been SUPA stressed/anxious about the future and my plans. or lack thereof.
and i'm learning that i
a. need to trust the lord MORE. in every aspect of my life. meaning the whole thing.
b. when i do step 1, he will take care of steps 1-10,000,000,000,000
so c. there really is no reason to be worried about anything.
#lifelessons #keepthemcoming #teamjesus

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30:31

food for thought.

the start.

well, this week has been nothing less than the longest first week of school. ever.
between soccer, school, classes at bucks, and work i am literally exhausted.
but last night i went to a football game at C.B. South because they were playing Coatesville and some of my friends play for Cville.
i sat in the stands and watched all the kids from South sing the fight song, participate in the 'black out' and watched as little siblings walked by and chanted for the titans.
i wondered what it would have been like if i actually transferred to South. i would have been singing the fight song and wearing all black.
i think its important to note that after soccer yesterday, i drove by the Calvary
football game on my way home and i wanted to stop
and i wanted to go to school tomorrow
and i wanted to participate (and i would have, if i didn't have plans)

and so, as it turns out, i am so glad that i get to spend

my senior year at Calvary and i

wouldn't want to spend it anywhere else, no matter

how crazy things get.

in all my years there,

i've learned that God always has a plan and 

that there's a reason for everything.

i don't think i would have made it in public school.

honestly, at the time i was planning on leaving my relationship with 

the Lord was almost nonexistent. i wouldn't have

been able to stand firm in my beliefs and in my faith for him.

so he prompted me to stay at calvary.

i was challenged to 

"remain in me and i will remain in you.

for a branch cannot bear fruit if it has been severed

from the vine."

Calvary was the vine i had to remain in

in order to grow.

this week in polysci, mr roche told us that we are becoming 

adults and because of that we have to think that

"when i was a child i thought as a child and acted

as a child. but now i'm an adult so i must put off

childish things and think/act as an adult."

today.

wellllllllllll because i have SO many followers (this is a literal JOKE)
i have absolutely no qualms telling the 3 of you about my day.

if i had to choose my top 3 worst days ever

today would be in the running.

UGH.

well i mean, it started off great. i read some, then had lunch/watched divergent with David. but then i had to leave because soccer and oh my liiiiiterally. (#whitegirlmoment) i had to go to the trainor to get my hip wrapped because i hurt my hip-flexer so i was late to practice by 10 minutes. looooooooooong horrible and excruciating story later i was supposed to run 10 laps. at the end of practice. because of my tardiness. WHAT. i was liiiivid. i could have screamed at my coach. screamed. and i almost did. i have no idea how i remotely kept my cool at all. THANK YOU HOLY SPIRIT. anyway i had that shortened to 5 laps. 

aside from the big soccer fiasco that i didn't even describe

in detail, i had to stop at redbox on the way home from practice to return a movie

but the redbox was broken

then when i got home my mom said that she wanted to see a movie

so we saw "If I Stay" and it was the worst

as if my day wasn't bad enough

saddest movie ever

omg

and to top it all off, when i got my hip wrapped, it gave me a rash, so there's that.

and i have the BIGGEST blister ever on my foot that i got from those laps

so there's that, too. 

but what i forgot to mention was the small little reminder that God so lovingly sent my way

i got a text after soccer from my friend Sharon

Sharon has faithfully sent me a Bible verse

everyday

for 3 years

wut.

so i'll end with that verse

Ephesians 4:2

"Always be humble and gentle.

Be patient with one another,

making allowances for each other's faults

because of your love."

and today, i needed to hear that.

a note from a father

My darling, My daughter…

How are you, My beautiful child? I have missed you, I’ve been wondering where you have been. I feel as though I have spent so long watching you, being there for you, just waiting for you to notice Me.

You often feel that in a crowded room; you’re alone.. Don’t you notice me at the back of the room, as you dance about in your world? I’m watching you from a distance, from where you left Me when you pushed Me to the side, hid My word in your backpack,  closed the pages of your journal when someone asked what you were writing; for fear of what others might think of Me, your Father.

I’m still here, sometimes I see you looking for Me, at the end of the day - when everyone else has gone home, and you’re laying in your bed, staring out the window. When you go into the bathroom, wipe off your make-up, and remember who you naturally are… I hear your heart looking for Me. I’m there My beautiful girl; when you stare at your reflection, and you cringe at the way your nose turns slightly out at the bottom, or the way your freckles aline perfectly across your cheeks. When you purse your lips at the colour of your skin, the shape of your hairline, and the way your lips don’t always rest perfectly together. You never seem to like what you see, and I try to reach out to you, and explain why I painted your face that way, why I intricately sketched your lips to fall together the way they do - but you’re too busy for me, it seems you always are these days… Splashing inks of red, creams, browns and blacks across your face; hiding the masterpiece that I created you to be; sometimes I worry you have forgotten who you truly are, My child.

I see you each week, stepping through your routines, meeting your friends, and making time to talk. I know you probably wish I wasn’t My dear, but I find Myself falling jealous to the time you have for everyone but Me. I wonder; do you remember last Sunday, when you promised we would have coffee together, when you said you were sorry for all the times you left me waiting, sitting and hoping you would arrive; I waited with my arms filled to overflowing. I prepared gifts for you each time you said we would meet… I wrapped grace in a parcel, perfectly and sweetly; for all the times you did Me wrong. I folded compassion and love into a neat bundle, with a ribbon of acceptance around it, gently tied with care and concern for you - for all the times you felt unwanted, unloved and alone, the times you felt no one cared… I waited for you, but you did not come; lately dear, you rarely come… 

I fell to My knees for you today, I begged for your company in some kind of way.

I fell to My knees and I called out your name, hoping maybe, you’d do the same. 

But I waited again, I sat waiting for you; in a crowded room, where no body knew; that you had promised Me your time, for a short moment or two. I waited patiently for you, because you are worthy of My time, I consider you much more important than any other creation of Mine. It was then and there, I stood to my feet, and found you somewhere new… From across the room, I noticed you… You had forgotten about Me, My princess - but I hadn’t forgotten about you.

I’ve played hide and seek with you; I promised I would find you, and surely I did. When it came to your turn to come to Me, My dear, I waited for so long - only to find, you lost interest in our time together. I’ve played tag with you; I chased you, and chased you, and chased you again, I’ll never give up chasing you… Not until the very end. But when you chased Me back; that’s what gave Me great joy, to have you reach out your arms to Me; calling My name, telling Me you want Me, you need Me… It was beautiful, but short lived. - I wonder where you have gone My child; don’t you know I miss you?

I know you love encouragement, inspiration and conferences with great speakers; you love the hype of My word, and the gift of My life - but when it comes to the crunch, and you’re the star of the show - I long to be front row and centre, proudly cheering you on. But instead you buy me no ticket, and there I am; waiting for you again, at the back of a crowded room.

My daughter, do you remember when you told me you couldn’t go on? When tears stained your cheeks, and you found it hard to breathe - you sat weeping from a distance, but all of a sudden, you found support? That caring friends hand on your shoulder; the text message from your sister, the facebook message you received; it was not merely a coincidence, it was a small reminder of how lovingly I care for you.

I miss you My daughter, I miss the way you would take time for Me; and keep it

I miss the way you would proudly tell your friends about My faithfulness, and believe it.

I miss you desiring Me, wanting Me, and Hungering for Me; desperately and longingly, wanting more of Me. You have forgotten Me, My Child… 

My heart is breaking for you; please come back to Me?

I’ll be waiting where you left Me, at the back of the crowded room.

Lovingly and longingly, prayerfully and passionately signed;

Your Father, Your Lord, Your King, Your Best Friend, Your Comforter, Your Counsellor. 

instagram challenge.

I have decided for the next thirty days to only post things on instagram about Jesus, Bible verses/encouragement, etc. I'm calling it #30dayswithjesus

If you want to keep an eye out for my posts feel free to visit
Instagram.com/abigaaiiillll

i choose jesus.

"In one moment

Everything changed.

Who I was got washed away,

When mercy found me.

The savior's arms are open wide

And I've found love

For the very first time. 

When mercy found me."

colleeegggeee. merpp.

I APPLIED FOR COLLEGE
scary, scary, scaryyy.
I have been dreading this moment for like a year.

buuttt, surprisingly enough

it wasn't that bad.

shocker right?

i know.

I applied to two schools for early admission

Kentucky Christian University (yayyy!!) and Grove City College.

GCC is my 'reach' school. I don't really expect to be accepted but it would be really nice.

Kentucky is my top choice. I reeeeally wanna go there. ugh. I can't believe this is happening!

Senior year is here! I got senior picture information in the mail today.

it's toooo weird. although

i am excited (kinda a little) for school to start

so many new beginnings.

life has been really crazy lately

one bad decision after another.

but i'm learning?

and growing?

and changing?

what?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

anyways

college.

cool. woo. 

two roads diverged . . .

two roads diverged in a wood

and oh so sorry I could not travel both

they told me I must make my decision. 

in or out.

for or against.

death or life.

two roads diverged in a wood

and I am choosing the one you would not expect. 

I have learned to kiss the waves that slam me into the rock of ages.

inconsistent.

Work

Work

Work

Class

Work 

Class

Work...again

And somehow making time for homework & friends & family time?

Currently feeling convicted about LIFE. Whhhhhyyyy is it so hard to follow Jesus & follow him wholeheartedly? I was raised in the church! You would think that makes it easier! #wrong 

The literal struggle is tooooo real.

//// if you think about it, pray for me: that I might stay grounded & not become complacent. //// 

On a different note: as I sat in prayer on Sunday I thought about why I can't do this, and why I can't do that. What makes it so wrong? It would be so much easier if I just didn't believe anything and just lived my life. I keep finding myself waiting for something. Waiting for that big turnaround moment. For the day that my commitment to Christ sticks. Waiting for something (someone) to swoop in and change my life forever.  Well about halfway through prayer my answer came. It was in the form of a pregnant, 17 year old girl, walking through the front doors looking for guidance and love. I could only offer the latter & simply point her to Jesus. We cried together & prayed together. I don't think she knows just how loved she really is. Not only by me, but by the one who holds her life. 

We can never really expect the unexpected. This news came flying out from left field and I didn't know how to react. But the nice part about this is that I don't have to react. A friend of mine told me that it's not my job to fix this situation. I can't fix it, if I could I would have already done so. All I have to do is trust in The Lord and his sovereign plan & be an arrow, pointing only to Jesus. And I think that's what we are called to be. Arrows that point people to Jesus. Because after all, what are we without him? 

Nothing. 

Prayer requests: 

1. /see aforementioned request/

2. For this girl, who shall remain nameless, that she might find Jesus in this. 

3. Wisdom in this situation for her and her parents. 

4. That her boyfriend comes to find a relationship with Christ. 

{a broken heart}

I went up to Coatesville yesterday, to visit the older kids at overnight camp.

It breaks my heart to see these kids

so unhappy, yet so full of joy & life 

so confused as to where life is going to take them, yet not have a care in the world.  

{Dynasti and Cardye circa 2012}

The kids I have come to love so dearly are growing up. 

Many of the kids there I had in my cabin/for day camp when they were still going to the younger week.  

I will be counseling the younger kids next week & I couldn't be more excited. 

I can't wait to see what The Lord has in store for us and what he will do next week. 

Please be praying for me, and the other volunteers when you think about it. 

Pray for wisdom, energy, and lots of love for these kids. 

Most of them come from single-parent homes, from the innercity of Coatesville. 

            

                                                                  {NayNay}

 {Donna, Hannah, and Josh during evening chapel}

              

                                                        ///////// Me and Dynasti ///////// 

                                                          My oh my, how she's grown. 

 Ugh. My baby, Messiah. I love her so much. 

      

                                            {Taty, Vetta, Hoggi, Schylo, and NayNay}

it's been a while. . .

hello, old friend. 

It's been quite a while, hasn't it?

So much has changed. So much has happened. 

Good. Bad. And everything in between. 

School has ended. I've started a new job. Next week, I go up to coatesville. The week after that, I start a class at BCCC. 

It's all very busy. 

I'm still living in my shell. 

And I'm still struggling to fill it with something. 

But here I am anyway, moving along. 

Because what else am I supposed to do?

I have promises to keep, and people to not let down. 

Someday, maybe I'll even make someone proud. 

{so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.}

- f. scott fitzgerald

moving forward. {or trying to, anyway}

looking forward. 

looking ahead. 

what's to come? what does the future hold?

questions, questions, questions. 

where am i going? what am i going to do?

well, i don't know. i don't know at all. 

and to be honest, that scares me to no end. i like to have a plan and know exactly what is coming next. 

and i struggle and wrestle with the fact that i can't control anything anymore. 

with all that's happened, i've become a shell of a human. 

a lowly shell, with nothing living inside. 

in a nutshell.

goodbye.

{tomorrow}

tomorrow, my sister and best friend is moving to Montana. 

no more sappy goodbyes, just know that I love you. 

and that's all you need to know. 

 

trying.

as I struggle and wrestle with a few things, this verse keeps coming to mind. however, I did not know it was a verse until today. I kept turning the phrase over in my mind when I decided to look it up. sure enough, it comes from Micah. 

{life is a cycle. a difficult, tiring, and unrelenting cycle.}

mistake. 

tears. 

repent.

small attempt at change.

not strong enough.

repeat.

over, and over, and over again. 

so I ask myself, when will the cycle end? when will I be able to stand up to my sin and say, "enough is enough!" 

well, I've come to realize that I will never be able to say that. never. 

not until I fully put my trust in The Lord, will I be able to relinquish my sin and the hold it has on my life.

and wow, does it hurt.

it hurts because of my weakness and my inability to humble myself before the throne of grace and let God take control. 

they tell me that my struggle is a good thing. the fact that I struggle, and I realize it must mean that I care and am trying. and while both of those things are true, I hate the struggle. but until I make a concious effort to change, the struggle will continue to be a losing battle. 

I have learned that I will always learn the hard way. because for some reason, the easy way isn't good enough, or something. 

so though I fall, I will rise again. 

because his mercies are new every morning. 

and his power is made perfect in weakness. 

/// what i'm eating ///

{greeeeeeen smoothie}

1 c. Ice

3/4 c. Coconut water 

1 c. Kale (I use a kale medley, which has spinach, shredded carrots, etc.)

A banana

1/2 c. Or so of all natural peanut butter

1 Tbs. Agave nectar, for sweetness. 

.senior shoot part 2.

.senior shoot.

As the end of the year rapidly approaches, senior year will be here before I can blink. My lovely friend, Danae, kindly offered to take some senior photos for me. We had a blast today at Tyler State Park and the photos turned out amazing. HUGE shoutout to my homegirl defiant Dana for being fantastic. 

// some of the photos I've gotten back //

{more to come}