19.

I think that 19 is a really obsolete age because it’s right in the middle of everything. The age of 19 is like the year everyone has middle child syndrome.

18 is a big year because typically you graduate high school and turn into an “adult”

20 is your first non-teen year

21 is the official adult age

22 you’re Taylor Swift

23 you’re Michael Jordan

But 19 is just…19.

Recently, I have honestly been thinking about turning 19 so much. Today I decided that I don’t want 19 to be my middle child year.

I want 19 to be full of love and laughter and adventures on adventures. My prayer for this year is that I grow in every area of my life and that my life reflects the Lord and his grace more than it ever has before. Reflecting back on this past year, 18 came with a lot of challenges. I really had to step back and evaluate myself as a person and as a follower of Christ and decide what I wanted my life to be. I made a lot of hard choices and learned a lot of lessons the hard way.  I definitely think that some of those choices and lessons have shaped me into a better person, and now I better understand why it is important to be able to count the cost. Sometimes, my stubborn self just gets in the way. Actually, that happens more than just sometimes. But the point of me saying all this is that I want 19 to be a year of my life that matters. I don’t want it to be a year that matters in a way that was like “oh, I did some stupid stuff and now I fixed it and here we go.”

I want 19 to be a year that starts moving forward and doesn’t stop.

Goals:

1.       Adventure whenever possible

2.       Pray more

3.       Put others before myself

4.       Stop being hypercritical of myself and others

5.       Complete the left overs of my summer leap list

6.       Put forth my absolute best effort in school

7.       Love more

someday

Someday someone will love every inch of you: the fading sunset behind your eyes, the moonlight that dances through your hair, the sadness nestled in the creases of your palms. They're going to kiss all the parts you have kept hidden away and tell you how beautiful it all is.

Someday someone is going to say, "I love all of you, not just the parts that make sense, not just the parts you have shown me. I love the parts of you that I don't yet understand, the parts that weigh on your shoulders, the parts I only notice when I steal glances at you in the silence."

You will need to believe them; to believe that fairytales were not written for princesses in glass slippers, but that they were written for women who have collected all the pieces of a broken heart and can't stand to put it together again. But most of all you will need to believe that they were written for you.

Someday someone will come to you with a happily ever after promise and slide it over your finger. Someday you'll realize you are not the lucky one, you are the deserving one. Someday you are going to take someone's breath away.

Someday you will realize just how stunning you really are, and you will fall to your knees.
-Tyler Kent White

a tribute to my grandfather.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Abigail and I am Bob’s youngest granddaughter. Actually, just youngest grandchild in general. I lovingly referred to him as Poppo because when I was young the word Papere was too much of a struggle and I’ve always been a little bit of a rebel.

For all of my life, I have always loved learning. I haven’t always loved admitting it, but it’s true. One of the things I loved the most about my grandfather is all of the things I learned from him. A little over a month ago, I sat with him and we had a pretty serious conversation about growing up and what that looks like. He said, “Abigail, do what you love. Money is important but family, love, and happiness are more important." Poppo was the kindest man I have ever met in my life. Not only did he tell me the things I should value most, he lived that way too.

When I was a little girl, me and my mom would go visit Poppo and Aunt Teresa and I would always make Poppo play cards with me. Now mind you, I was not very good at cards and I cheated a lot but we would always eat chips ahoy and laugh and laugh until we couldn’t laugh anymore. Then Aunt Teresa would come in and say, “What’s all this ruckus in here?” and Poppo would say, “Boy, she’s tough paper, isn’t she?”

My grandfather taught me the importance of being able to crack a joke, and then laugh at it – even if you’re the only one laughing. A quality I also share with my mom. He told me to dream without limits, and to chase those dreams no matter what the cost. I can’t tell you how many times he sat with me and encouraged me to do my best. During my senior year of soccer, I was having a serious issue with my coach and I called him and ranted about her. He said, “Never give up and never back down.” Poppo was the man who told me that I could do anything, and believed it. When I said I was going to Temple to study education, just like him, he said I should try out for the soccer team and my sister and I just laughed because I wasn’t very good but he thought I was.

When he lived with us, we would eat ice cream and watch NCIS and laugh. When it was nice outside, he would sit on the porch and watch me dribble and practice punts. To this day, he is the reason I know how to do anything with my left foot. I have a thousand memories with my grandfather. He was probably my favorite family member and I definitely told him that more than once.

So Poppo, there are a few things that I have left to say to you specifically. I want you to know that you are my hero. You’re kind and strong and have survived more than anyone ever should have to. I love that I got your sense of humor and love of laughing. Your competitive spirit has always come in handy, too. You devoted your life to giving back to the community and my desire is to follow in your footsteps and do the same. I have learned so many things from you. You taught me to value people and memories more than money and things. Because of you, I know that I can do anything I could ever imagine with hard work and perseverance. Thank you for loving me well.

One last thing – in May you told me that you wanted to see Josh again, meet Selah when she was born, walk again, and dance with me on my wedding day. Well, Poppo, you got to see Josh and I am positive that Mumere has already dragged you to a thousand flea markets and that you’re running circles around everyone up there.

I love you forever, and I promise to save you a dance on my wedding. Be careful.

summer summer summer

going going going....
gone.
and we're off, full speed ahead, no looking back.
2 classes, transitioning from 2 jobs into 1 full time job
new things happening with friends
family growing
& just general life happening

slowly but surely, i've been crossing things off of my summer leap list which has been fun.
i'm trying to be really intentional about finishing the whole list.

along with that, i've been learning a lot about myself recently.

things i've discovered:

1. it's important to make decisions with your head, not your heart.

yes, we have feelings and emotions. yes, they are both important. but, there comes a time when you have to set how you feel aside to make a rational decision. it's never a good idea to make a decision purely based on emotion. it's also never a good idea to make an important decision while you're on your period. the end.

2. it's also important to take inventory of your heart, and find out what matters most to you.

over the weekend i had training for my new job as a camp counselor at CSF. saturday morning, devos were about loving christ and loving as christ loves. i was really challenged to examine my heart and the things that i hold closest to me. i realized that recently i have been putting other things and people before christ and that is 100% not okay. in order to keep christ first, i need to intentionally be seeking him DAILY.

walking with christ is a choice i have to make

every day.

summer sixteen leap list

• go to a country concert
• watch the sunrise
• tie dye
• go to peace valley park
• go fishing
• get another tattoo
• roadtrip
• go camping
• meet my niece
• jump off a bridge into water
• dye my hair a fun color
• get a chacos tan
• make a new friend
• cliff jump
• float in a boat
• go to the beach
• have a paint fight
• stargaze in an open field
• go to D.C. and visit the holocaust museum
• adventure in NYC
• go to the art museum

dare to love

the more we are forgiven, the more we should love.
we don't need to sin more in order to be forgiven more, thus loving God more. we just need to increase our awareness of our current state of sinfulness.

the increasing amount of love should be toward our ever loving father

and toward those around us.

he forgave the most notorious of sinners and walked alongside of tax collectors and sat with prostitutes.

our model of love should be jesus christ.

"and he said to the woman, 'your faith has saved you; go in peace.'" luke 7:50

The wasted years, by a miracle of love, can be restored.

- chs

18 things i learned at 18

1. the Lord forgets our sins, and treats us like we never erred. - chs

2. people will let you down. and you, no doubt, will let people down. be quick to forgive and truly mean it. being upset over an unanswered text or call isn't worth losing a friendship over.

3. sometimes, it's okay to play it safe. don't have that drink everyone else is having. stay in and read that book you want to. finish the last season of the show you've been watching. going out is fun, but not at the expense of any bad decisions that you'll regret.

4. know your limits. if you can't take 18 credits, don't. mental health always needs to come before school.

5. build relationships, and more importantly, make them count. don't spend all your time trying to get everyone to like you, because chances are, they won't. instead, focus more on relationships that will last a lifetime, not just a few nights out.

6. your mom and dad know a lot more than you give them credit for. recently, i have become closer with my parents than ever before and it's because i finally stopped acting like a bratty teenager and chose to trust them with information about myself and my life. they have become some of my best and funniest friends who would 100% do anything for me. i know that they only want the best for me.

7. be a saver, not a spender.

8. be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

9. read more books. chances are you'll relate more to them than to those tv shows you love so much.

10. spend more time with your family, and cherish it. because some day, probably some day soon, everyone will be grown up. your siblings and cousins will be married and have kids and then you'll get married and have kids. everything will be different. so make as many memories with them now as you can, so that when everything is different, you can enjoy the difference rather than wish everything was like it was before.

11. don't be afraid to ask for help. sometimes we can let pride get in the way of actually fixing a problem we have.

12. it is 100% ok to cry.

13. if you eat your feelings, that's ok, just hit the gym after. you don't want to come out of a hard season 10lbs heavier and have to deal with that too.

14. there is never any reason to act like someone you are not. if you don't like something, don't pretend that you do to please someone else. stop dressing to impress the guy you think will notice - dress to impress yourself. you have to come first.

15. learn how to manage your time. coming out of high school and into college is a huge transition and knowing how to effectively manage your time is a skill that you'll definitely need and utilize all the time. it is also a skill that you'll need for the rest of your life. (jobs, family, etc.)

16. BOYS ARE DUMB AND GIRLS ARE DUMBER. stay out of drama. #notworthit

17. keep a clean room & clean your sheets at least twice a month.

18. find someone older, that you know you can trust, to mentor you. their wisdom and knowledge about life will probably astound you. if you ask someone for advice, listen to it. and if you don't listen, don't expect them to keep giving you advice. there are good, Godly, people who truly have your best interest in mind and genuinely want to help you with your life. seek these people out. ask for prayer. admit your weaknesses. and then strive to make them your strengths.