i am slowly, but surely, learning what it means to love someone.
my world is constantly filled with thoughts of myself because the world revolves around me, right?? after a lifetime of life being all about me, suddenly and wonderfully, there is someone else to share it with. but wait, can i actually do that?? can i actually let someone else inside the deep dark corners of who i am and fully allow myself to become vulnerable with them?? could i possibly stop thinking about myself for like 3 seconds and take time out of my day to think about another human being's needs and wants?
of course it is impossible to perfectly love someone else because we are imperfect people. however, it isn't impossible to try. and with this in mind, there will always be something for me to strive for and improve on.
so this is me. trying to love. selflessly love. because love isn't selfish.
love is patient, kind, doesn't envy or boast, love isn't proud or self seeking. no, love should be unconditional.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Saturday, August 20, 2016
19.
I think that 19 is a really obsolete age because it’s right
in the middle of everything. The age of 19 is like the year everyone has middle
child syndrome.
18 is a big year because typically you graduate high school
and turn into an “adult”
20 is your first non-teen year
21 is the official adult age
22 you’re Taylor Swift
23 you’re Michael Jordan
But 19 is just…19.
Recently, I have honestly been thinking about turning 19 so
much. Today I decided that I don’t want 19 to be my middle child year.
I want 19 to be full of love and laughter and adventures on
adventures. My prayer for this year is that I grow in every area of my life and
that my life reflects the Lord and his grace more than it ever has before. Reflecting
back on this past year, 18 came with a lot of challenges. I really had to step
back and evaluate myself as a person and as a follower of Christ and decide
what I wanted my life to be. I made a lot of hard choices and learned a lot of
lessons the hard way. I definitely think
that some of those choices and lessons have shaped me into a better person, and
now I better understand why it is important to be able to count the cost.
Sometimes, my stubborn self just gets in the way. Actually, that happens more
than just sometimes. But the point of me saying all this is that I want 19 to
be a year of my life that matters. I don’t want it to be a year that matters in
a way that was like “oh, I did some stupid stuff and now I fixed it and here we
go.”
I want 19 to be a year that starts moving forward and doesn’t
stop.
Goals:
1.
Adventure whenever possible
2.
Pray more
3.
Put others before myself
4.
Stop being hypercritical of myself and others
5.
Complete the left overs of my summer leap list
6.
Put forth my absolute best effort in school
7.
Love more
Friday, August 5, 2016
someday
Someday someone will love every inch of you: the fading sunset behind your eyes, the moonlight that dances through your hair, the sadness nestled in the creases of your palms. They're going to kiss all the parts you have kept hidden away and tell you how beautiful it all is.
Someday someone is going to say, "I love all of you, not just the parts that make sense, not just the parts you have shown me. I love the parts of you that I don't yet understand, the parts that weigh on your shoulders, the parts I only notice when I steal glances at you in the silence."
You will need to believe them; to believe that fairytales were not written for princesses in glass slippers, but that they were written for women who have collected all the pieces of a broken heart and can't stand to put it together again. But most of all you will need to believe that they were written for you.
Someday someone will come to you with a happily ever after promise and slide it over your finger. Someday you'll realize you are not the lucky one, you are the deserving one. Someday you are going to take someone's breath away.
Someday you will realize just how stunning you really are, and you will fall to your knees.
-Tyler Kent White
Someday someone is going to say, "I love all of you, not just the parts that make sense, not just the parts you have shown me. I love the parts of you that I don't yet understand, the parts that weigh on your shoulders, the parts I only notice when I steal glances at you in the silence."
You will need to believe them; to believe that fairytales were not written for princesses in glass slippers, but that they were written for women who have collected all the pieces of a broken heart and can't stand to put it together again. But most of all you will need to believe that they were written for you.
Someday someone will come to you with a happily ever after promise and slide it over your finger. Someday you'll realize you are not the lucky one, you are the deserving one. Someday you are going to take someone's breath away.
Someday you will realize just how stunning you really are, and you will fall to your knees.
-Tyler Kent White
Monday, July 11, 2016
a tribute to my grandfather.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Abigail and I
am Bob’s youngest granddaughter. Actually, just youngest grandchild in general.
I lovingly referred to him as Poppo because when I was young the word Papere
was too much of a struggle and I’ve always been a little bit of a rebel.
For all of my life, I have always loved learning. I haven’t
always loved admitting it, but it’s true. One of the things I loved the most
about my grandfather is all of the things I learned from him. A little over a
month ago, I sat with him and we had a pretty serious conversation about
growing up and what that looks like. He said, “Abigail, do what you love. Money
is important but family, love, and happiness are more important." Poppo
was the kindest man I have ever met in my life. Not only did he tell me the
things I should value most, he lived that way too.
When I was a little girl, me and my mom would go visit Poppo
and Aunt Teresa and I would always make Poppo play cards with me. Now mind you,
I was not very good at cards and I cheated a lot but we would always eat chips
ahoy and laugh and laugh until we couldn’t laugh anymore. Then Aunt Teresa
would come in and say, “What’s all this ruckus in here?” and Poppo would say,
“Boy, she’s tough paper, isn’t she?”
My grandfather taught me the importance of being able to
crack a joke, and then laugh at it – even if you’re the only one laughing. A
quality I also share with my mom. He told me to dream without limits, and to
chase those dreams no matter what the cost. I can’t tell you how many times he
sat with me and encouraged me to do my best. During my senior year of soccer, I
was having a serious issue with my coach and I called him and ranted about her.
He said, “Never give up and never back down.” Poppo was the man who told me
that I could do anything, and believed it. When I said I was going to Temple to
study education, just like him, he said I should try out for the soccer team
and my sister and I just laughed because I wasn’t very good but he thought I
was.
When he lived with us, we would eat ice cream and watch NCIS
and laugh. When it was nice outside, he would sit on the porch and watch me
dribble and practice punts. To this day, he is the reason I know how to do
anything with my left foot. I have a thousand memories with my grandfather. He
was probably my favorite family member and I definitely told him that more than
once.
So Poppo, there are a few things that I have left to say to
you specifically. I want you to know that you are my hero. You’re kind and
strong and have survived more than anyone ever should have to. I love that I
got your sense of humor and love of laughing. Your competitive spirit has
always come in handy, too. You devoted your life to giving back to the
community and my desire is to follow in your footsteps and do the same. I have
learned so many things from you. You taught me to value people and memories
more than money and things. Because of you, I know that I can do anything I
could ever imagine with hard work and perseverance. Thank you for loving me
well.
One last thing – in May you told me that you wanted to see
Josh again, meet Selah when she was born, walk again, and dance with me on my
wedding day. Well, Poppo, you got to see Josh and I am positive that Mumere has
already dragged you to a thousand flea markets and that you’re running circles
around everyone up there.
I love you forever, and I promise to save you a dance on my
wedding. Be careful.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
summer summer summer
going going going....
gone.
and we're off, full speed ahead, no looking back.
2 classes, transitioning from 2 jobs into 1 full time job
new things happening with friends
family growing
& just general life happening
slowly but surely, i've been crossing things off of my summer leap list which has been fun.
i'm trying to be really intentional about finishing the whole list.
along with that, i've been learning a lot about myself recently.
gone.
and we're off, full speed ahead, no looking back.
2 classes, transitioning from 2 jobs into 1 full time job
new things happening with friends
family growing
& just general life happening
slowly but surely, i've been crossing things off of my summer leap list which has been fun.
i'm trying to be really intentional about finishing the whole list.
along with that, i've been learning a lot about myself recently.
things i've discovered:
1. it's important to make decisions with your head, not your heart.
yes, we have feelings and emotions. yes, they are both important. but, there comes a time when you have to set how you feel aside to make a rational decision. it's never a good idea to make a decision purely based on emotion. it's also never a good idea to make an important decision while you're on your period. the end.
2. it's also important to take inventory of your heart, and find out what matters most to you.
over the weekend i had training for my new job as a camp counselor at CSF. saturday morning, devos were about loving christ and loving as christ loves. i was really challenged to examine my heart and the things that i hold closest to me. i realized that recently i have been putting other things and people before christ and that is 100% not okay. in order to keep christ first, i need to intentionally be seeking him DAILY.
walking with christ is a choice i have to make
every day.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
summer sixteen leap list
go to a country concert- watch the sunrise
- tie dye
- go to peace valley park
- go fishing
get another tattooroadtrip- go camping
meet my niece- jump off a bridge into water
dye my hair a fun colorget a chacos tanmake a new friend- cliff jump
- float in a boat
go to the beach- have a paint fight
stargaze in an open field- go to D.C. and visit the holocaust museum
- adventure in NYC
go to the art museum
dare to love
the more we are forgiven, the more we should love.
we don't need to sin more in order to be forgiven more, thus loving God more. we just need to increase our awareness of our current state of sinfulness.
we don't need to sin more in order to be forgiven more, thus loving God more. we just need to increase our awareness of our current state of sinfulness.
the increasing amount of love should be toward our ever loving father
and toward those around us.
he forgave the most notorious of sinners and walked alongside of tax collectors and sat with prostitutes.
our model of love should be jesus christ.
"and he said to the woman, 'your faith has saved you; go in peace.'" luke 7:50
The wasted years, by a miracle of love, can be restored.
- chs
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